This is easily and
unequivocally (awesome word) the most destructive movie this whole year.
Things explode and get crushed in every scene. This means one thing.
Roland Emmerich has directed it. The man who has brought us masterpieces
such as Independence day and Godzilla is back with a whole
new range of awesome destruction. Perhaps, if we're lucky, there's also a
story in it somewhere! Oh, and perhaps actual human characters?
The plot revolves around the
myth of the end of the world in 2012. I cannot really explain this but I
found some pictures that 2012 believers assure me will surely clear things
up for you!
Now that I cleared that up and
probably made you a believer, how was the movie? Well, a day after I saw
it I spoke with someone who didn't like it and seeing as I did like it we
got into an argument. Weirdly, our arguments were exactly the same yet he
arrived at a different conclusion. I decided to put it all in a schedule
and let you decide for yourself.
(Note, I have no picture of
Rick so I used a picture of what I thought defined him best)
My arguments why
this is a good movie:
His arguments why
its a bad movie:
-No real plot to be
discerned. This need not bother us as its about the world falling
-No story!! I want a story!
Movies have stories, right?
-Flat characters that could
mostly be defined by a single element. (the whining pilot, the
stereotypical Russian, the emo son etc) This is true but it also means
there's more time for the action.
-Characters who are so mind
numbingly flat they might as well not have been there at all. (Apart
from Sacha, that blonde chick and president Danny Glover who were
-Ball shattering action
sequences where the world ends.
-Action that was so
overwhelming I needed to use the bathroom.
-More action and world
destruction. Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently dies in ceiling
collapse. The explosions and demolitions get so unbearably awesome I
nearly forgot I had popcorn. Sweet delicious popcorn......
-I didn't see Arnold die
but I did see scene after scene of CGI powered mayhem which frankly
was a bit much.
-Aircraft carrier destroys
White House. This marked the highlight of total destruction and also
the beginning of slightly less interesting action in the back of a
large ship as John Cusack spends the remaining movie time unclogging a
-Finally! No more pointless
demolition as now we see some attempts at character driven suspense as
John Cusack saves a ship full of people. Also, the adorable puppy
-When the 2 men who killed
a predator in hand to hand combat are both in the same movie and die
then the shit must really have hit the fan.
-Wait, who killed a
Predator? What does that have to do with anything?
-Dr Phlox says we're
doomed! We're doomed!
-Who the fuck is Dr Phlox?
What the hell are you talking about?
-John Cusack somehow saves
a lot of people and the human race can continue. Somehow. Or
something. I'm still tingling from all the destruction I just
saw on screen.
-The ending was a little
vague as Africa seems to have risen from the sea or something. Who
cares anyway? I'm still spasming uncontrollably from the sensory
overload I received watching stuff blow up and crumble.
badass movie with massive destruction. This is why movies are made.
horribly bad movie. This is why vomit bags are made.
Wow, this is a great example
of what happens when my opinions run into those of people who are not me.
Haha, if only they knew how wrong they were....
Anyway, whether you choose to
go with my opinion or that of the giant ape man is up to you but in either
case, one important question remains.
Which Roland Emmerich White
house demolition did you like best?
Is it: A
The aircraft carrier smashing
into it. (intended to serve as a symbol of how good it would be to have
another Kennedy in the white house. Just another example of how weirdly
Emmerich's brain works.)
The good old Laser beam from
Independence day, still considered a timeless classic by several
Send your replies to my usual
e-mail address where I will most likely not read them as I lost my login
data 2 years ago!
to the world of sucks and rules