Apocalypto
An evening at the movies. Eating popcorn despite your better judgement and chewing it with the tooth that was recently filled up, causing intense burning pain each time you try to grind. Then trying to wash it down with a coke, which is sugar filled and makes the fillings burn up like freaking christmas trees. Yes, it hurt. Badly. I'm never eating popcorn again.
Anyway, we saw Apocalypto. The latest movie of christian nutjob and acknowledged jew-hater Mel Gibson who we so fondly remember from dying in Braveheart.
I can be brief about this film but where would the fun in that be? After all, Apocalypto was the best movie ever. That is, if you don't mind that:
-The bad guys get a real nasty speech by a 5 year old plague victim that wouldn't be out of place in the Matrix trilogy (The day shall be as the night!!!)
-The hero gets rescued by the world's most convenient solar eclipse.
-The hero can not only escape from a tree that was home to a panther with young but he can then outrun the panther on open ground.
-The hero gets less and less bothered by a spear wound in the chest as the chase progresses.
-The hero outwits his pursuers by throwing a beehive at them (hey, it worked in the loony tunes so why not try it here?)
-The hero manages to outsmart quicksand
-The hero commits unneccesary force against a toad which then looks really alarmed.
-The hero's wife gets threatened by baboons dropping from the sky
-The hero's wife manages to give birth while under water.
-The hero gets rescued by impeccable timing on the side of the Spanish which choose the exact right moment to establish first contact with a new civilisation.
Ok, so it wasn't the worlds greatest movie. It was a great 2,5 hours though, filled with laughter at inappropriate moments and jokes about how Greenpeace would froth at the mouth if they would actually see this flick (especially the tapir killing scene. That might certain morons ideas...hey, if they imitate the execution of Saddam Hussein, where will they go next?) Its because of the sheer entertainment value that I simply must conclude:
Apocalypto rules!
Back to the world of rules and sucks