The true story of Christmas
I'm glad its over. Seriously. I don't think I could have taken another family dinner. They made me watch 'Pietje bell 2' for over 2 hours because a few of the kids showed a vague and sporadic interest in that damn movie! I was unfortunate enough to be sitting close to it and so couldn't avoid the sound or pictures.
BURN PIETJE BELL!!
I was talking to a collegue right after we left church on Christmas eve. Why do we do it? Some old guy with clogged arteries, a flaccid face and way to much hand-hair tells us stories we have already heard a thousand times and does so without shame! How do you do that??
Ah well, at least the food was good. That is something at least. I just wish the true story of Christmas could be told at least once.
Ah, will ya look at that. I got a website to do so right here! Scroll down to find eternal enlightenment.
The flying Dutchman's true Christmas story
It was the year 'something after Christ'. Emperor Augustus had just ordered a counting of the remaining alcohol supply in his entire realm. The Roman empire may have been vast but alcohol was always in short supply. The holy liquid was the bounty of the gods and common men were fighting for its possession. The Roman troops were thirsty, parched barbarians from the Parthian lands were at the gates and desperation was abound!
So everyone travelled to make known to the emperor their exact supply of booze. Times were hard and the people suffered great thirst. The rich hid their drink from the masses and here and there stories arose of the people restorting to drinking budweiser! The emperor knew that the final apocalypse may be at hand.
From the east came 3 wise men. Kings among their people but equally desperate. The tankards were dry, the barrels empty. Not for many centuries had their lands witnessed such thirst!
So they set out and ventured where no men had dared to venture. Over the hills and far away to the lands of the Romans, the lands where ale was still plentiful, or so it was rumoured.
And then a star appeared on the horizon! A strange red star that showed the holy men the way to the stable where they would meet their destiny! Although records are lost, most say it looked something like this:
The wise men followed the star although they knew that it was fake advertising for an inferior beer brand. They steeled their souls, settled down their stomachs and hoped that this strange, commercially inspired star would show them the way to the true enlightenment that they and their livers were so hoping for!
Many were the challenges they had to face that night. From the weak flavoured promise of Bitburger to the never abating punch of Gladiator, all the tastes in the palettes were shown to them, but they knew they must hang on! True enlightenment surely awaited them....
The shepherds in the fields that night were trying to fight their thirst a different way. They tried drinking the awful non-alcoholic liquid known to all god-fearing mankind as 'sheep milk' but could not keep it down. Their desperation abated however when they too saw the commercialised star in the sky! A sign of hope, a sign of joyfullness and a warning never to believe what is advertised.
And so the shepherds too followed this highly commercial sign, hopefully to their salvation. To their holy enlightenment and to their eternal quenching of thirst!
At the end of their long voyage neither the kings nor the shepherds were disappointed. Because there, in a humble stable just outside some hovel-town nobody knew the name of was their salvation!
The stable itself had become a living sign of hope and of ever lasting salvation for all mankind.
The glory of Bavaria had finally returned to earth!
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8199 years after, according to the Christians, the earth was created
4178 years after the piramids were built
2054 years after the Romans defeated hannibal
860 years after the battle of Hastings
231 after the French occupied Holland
18 years after my birth
BAVARIA came into my life!
Back to the world of rules and sucks
Found your everlasting salvation?