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I haven't checked my mail in 2 years:



What to do?

Ah, another free day in my endless streak of free awesomeness. Its good to be a teacher around the holidays and realize that there's freedom. Freedom to pursue other cultural pursuits I don't get around doing normally.

What to do today? Well, there is this giant pile of books I still have to read for my education. It varies from the awesome to the dreary but it has to be read nonetheless.

What the hell am I thinking? I'm not gonna read stuff that bores me on workdays. Lets just save that for a day when I'm feeling more duty bound. Duty usually gets me through like 'worldpolitics' and I'm sure it will then.

Right, what to do then? I suppose I could paint the giant pile of Warhammer scenery that has dumped on my 'to do' list by my gaming club. I've been telling myself to get it done for weeks. Hell, after 3 months of procrastination I figured I'd find another way to motivate myself to do it.

Weirdly, sticking a angry photo of our club president on the pile of scenery in order to motivate myself to get it done faster has backfired. I'm now sort of scared to go near the damn things. Lets just take that off the list and move on.....

No, vacation doesn't mean work. It means doing cool stuff, alcohol, illegal gambling and watching hours and hours of House. Unfortunately I seem to have run out of House episodes so I'm going to my plan B. Plan B never fails. So, with a mixed sense of pride and deep, deep shame I give you:


Plan B: Obsessing about MASK some more

Episode 4: what evil VENOM plot would be perfect for a movie?

The series MASK has had some pretty movie worthy stuff happening in it. I mean, there's a flying car, a gunship laser firing death copter and giant trucks firing rockets. And that's before we have even left the intro sequence.  The intro is arguably the best thing about the series seeing as a lot of the rest of the show is utterly ruined by an annoying kid and his dumbass robot. But lets focus on the coolness for a moment.


So, what evil badass VENOM plot would be best for a movie? Well, after careful consideration and literally watching every single episode I own (or at least browsing through it) I came up with two ideas. Let me know which one you think is best for a movie. You can do this by telling me in the face as my e-mail is still broken. (I broke it)

1: VENOM wants to cause the mother of all volcano eruptions

I wasn't quite clear on why VENOM wanted this but presumably they wanted money. I have to say one thing for VENOM, they don't bluff, ever. Even if they get paid they still go ahead with the plan. Good super villains make sure they are feared even when they are paid.

So, they build the Magma mole. A thing capable of drilling until it hits the hot stuff and creating a volcano where they choose. Pretty cool.

Luckily for the world, they are stopped by a red truck being in the way of the Mole, which is cool.

Still, despite it looking a whole lot like the plot of 'the core' I still like this evil plan very much. Not as much as the next one though.

2: Venom build a lightning statue to blow shit up with

Somewhere in the Mediterranean a theme park is being built with Zeus as the them. So far so good. MASK discovers VENOM is in the area and so investigates. Then, it is revealed the theme park is a giant solar collector meant to power an enormous Zeus statue. This serves the purpose of being awesome.

A can't honest to god find a purpose of this plan despite being mind blowingly cool. Even the bad guys themselves admit they have no idea what to do with it other then 'control the Mediterranean' What does that mean? Are you gonna shoot lightning at ships? What's the range of solar powered lightning? Is it proof against rockets that the Greek army will fire at you in response? It does nothing but be a monumentally large target.

But then luckily, we get to the true purpose of this giant money pit. Killing MASK! When you go down deep enough every plot of VENOM involves killing MASK, which only makes sense I suppose. This time its with lightning. As far as pointless murder machines go, I'm gonna give this one a 9. A lightning shooting giant Zeus should rank high on any guy's 'to have' list and these guys are living the dream.

However, after mere moments of cool it all falls apart. The flying car is sacrificed to destroy the Zeus thing and VENOM is forced to retreat. This is the moment most 10 year old boys in the 80's were confronted with a sense of loss as Matt Tracker actually misses his car. Luckily, its back the next episode.

So, which one is best? Tell me when you can and I'll be sure to pass it on to Hollywood as soon as someone there finds his sense and makes a MASK movie.

MASK still rules!


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