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Oh yes, its the holiday season. Merriness and presents all round! All I really care about is the abundance of food and alcohol in whichever order I choose. Pretty good times.
Unfortunately its also the season of the most god-awful movies ever made by the human race and they all come terrorizing my TV screen at once. The Santa Claus, the Santa Claus movie, Annie, Miracle at some street, Christmas carol and Deck the halls, all at once. There's not a channel that has normal TV these days and it sucks.
Imagine then my surprise at finding a movie that's not about merriness or presents and features a Santa Claus that kills people. A lot of them. And one of them with those cool Jewish candlesticks.
Then imagine my jubilation when one of the first victims of this Santa gone crazy turns out to be none other then Fran Drescher who may still be lodged in our memory for being:
Oh yes, in the first scene she dies. Messily.
So obviously this is already the greatest movie ever made. I never added Fran Drescher to my list of actors I want to see dead because I never saw Fran Drescher in anything other then the nanny (thank god) but she is a welcome addition indeed.
So after such a brick house solid start it can't possibly get any better which is the problem with this movie. It tries to pile to many wickedly cool stuff up. You can't have man eating reindeer, exploding Christmas trees, curling playing angels and mobs of orthodox Jews in one movie and still expect the story to make any sort of sense.
However, the person who makes a fuss of the story is a blithering idiot. orthodox Jews rule and so does the whole concept of an exploding Christmas tree. In fact, I'm baffled not more movie makers have explored it. Come on Michael Bay! More exploding trees! That's what this world needs!
So anyway, the movie rules. Santa turns out to be the son of Satan who lost a Curling match to an angel (how freaking cool is that? Curling with an angel!) and is forced to spend happiness on earth for 1000 years. At the end of that time he's pissed and is coming back to kill. For some reason, the only people who can stop him are a boy with a crazy grand dad and his hormone overloaded girlfriend.
Not much else to say that hasn't already been said. And I have been not drinking for way to fucking long. back to the bottle and merry Christmas to all. And watch out for Santa......