Bubblegum apocalypse
Last night I spotted something I found deeply disturbing and naturally I jumped to what might not the most logical conclusion but at least it gives me a reason to rant for a while.
Behold the object of my greatest fears!
Yes, I know it looks inconspicuous, even unimportant to you at this stage. Its probably a little mistake, some goofball joke. But consider if this might be the new size of the things, or if they plan to put half ones in all packages and see if people will still buy them. What if this is the great bubblegum conspiracy we’ve all been dreading since the great corn swindle in 1976?
It could be even worse. It could actually be a mistake. A mistake of grave proportions, one that signifies the decline of our world.
This could be it, people. The moment of truth. The hour of destiny. The world faces a crossroads in history like none we have seen before. This inconspicuous piece of bubblegum could be the beginning of the fall of western civilisation as we know it!
Doubt it? Still cling to your beliefs in progress, good will and science? Think again. Nowhere in the world is there so much waste of perfectly useable consumer items as in our little part we call Europe. True, the Americans, being the disgusting pigs that they are, outclass most when it comes to sheer volume of waste. Their mountains of filth are enough to make the staunchest industrial fatcat scratch behind his ear and exclaim ‘maybe the Indians were right?’ but the Europeans outdo them in terms of throwing away items that aren’t necessarily waste just yet. Quality control, health checks, second quality check, last visual check, factory guarantees that if something’s not all right you can return it from the manufacturer and so on. What this comes down to is that over 20% of all manufactured goods are thrown away before they even leave the damn factory! That’s a waste like you wouldn’t believe!
Back to the bubblegum….if after those ridiculous amounts of checks a package with so obvious a mistake as a half piece of gum manages to make it through it means that something is rotten in the state of bubblegum manufacturing. Not only that. I’ve worked in a supermarket and know that its hard to hang those things with more then 4 packages at the same time. This means that employees of supermarkets are getting lazy too!
If we allow this to flourish things will lax, people grow soft, inspectors grow into big blubbering world of Warcraft players and civilisation as we know it will collapse. Right on its ass. That’s how its gonna be.
Be ready.
Bubblegum halves in packages: SUCKS