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I haven't checked my mail in 3 years but hey, give it a shot.
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After noticing my daily visitor counter wouldn't go down i figured I'd go back to writing stuff. I'm starting off with a movie review seeing as that's easy to write. Sue me. I'm lazy. I'm entitled to lazyness on a sunday, right? Screw you then!
The last airbender
Yeah I
know this review is late and unnecessary because you’ve probably already
decided not to see it, buy it or even acknowledge its existence. I don’t
care. That’s why I don’t have a comment section on this website.(that and
my unbelievable technical incompetence). I was busy for the last 2 months.
Seriously. The last
airbender is an example of a movie that should never have been allowed to
exist. The animated series was perfectly awesome and its ending was so
movie-like I once did a review on it. As a whole, Avatar: the last airbender, the
animated series was perfect. A masterpiece of storytelling and cool
animation. The movie?
Not so much… There is
no logical place to start so I’ll just begin with my all consuming hatred
of 3-D. I loath 3-D movies so much its nearly become an actual physical
pain I feel behind my eyes. Veins throbbing and all that. I am disgusted
at the movie industry’s transparent and utterly evil attempt to wring more
money from our wallets and give us the shit stained sorry excuse of a new
development in return. 3-D blows balls. I dearly wish it to go away or at
least look like that other movie that also had something to do with
Avatars…. As an avid
watcher of the animated show Avatar I was overwhelmed with how badly the
story was screwed up and how much the characters were altered. For one
thing, the casting was a total disaster. I honestly believe that blind
African honey badgers could have done a better casting job for this movie
then whoever did it. The lead players looked nothing like in the series.
General Iroh was a completely different person. The fire lord didn’t look
nearly evil enough and the list of gripes could go on to dominate this
article. It sucked. Badly. Prince Zuko was the only one who looked like
the person he was supposed to be. I can’t
even list the number of story things that didn’t make sense to me and I
can’t even imagine what a convoluted mess the story must have been to
someone who was unfamiliar with the cartoon. If those earth guys could
have smashed their fire nation guards with stones the whole time why
didn’t they do that immediately? Did it really take a speech from an 11
year old boy to coerce them into action? Stuff like that made the entire
movie an increasing pain to watch. Truth be
told I did like the way the elemental bending was portrayed in the movie
and the fighting was nice to watch. That’s why I wasn’t spastic with rage
about the movie like the dude I went to see it with. But when violence has
no purpose or gravity with it, it loses meaning. Seeing a hundred men
beating each other with swords but seeing not a single casualty kinda
sucks the meaning of the battle out of it. That said, the fire nation
battle ships were freakishly awesome. They definitely scored points with
that. So here we
are. A movie that shouldn’t have happened with a cast of actors that for
the most part should have played completely different people in a war with
little meaning. Battleships were cool
though….
Back to the world of sucks and rules
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Next week on sucksornot.info: (probably) Check back next week for ravings about aliens and Donald Faison!
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