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I haven't checked my mail in 2 years:
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Monsters vs Aliens
I've been embarrassed to go to animated movies since I discovered all Disney movies after The Lion King sucked. Its a deeply rooted fear of bad animation that has ensured I haven't seen a single animated movie in theatre right up until Wall-E and I'm not reviewing that ever because it was kinda girly. Not this one though. Just take a look at that determined look of animated president Stephen Colbert (didn't catch his movie name if he had one). Aliens have landed on earth. Although District 9 has recently taught us that they do occasionally land in other countries than the US that old mantra has never been more true this time. After attempts of communication fail and the army discovers it is once again useless in the fight against the alien invader a force of monsters is called in. An insect, a fishman, a blob and a giant woman are earth's best hope. Its not as bad as it seems though. Earth's had worse situations. Hell, Randy Quaid once flew a plane up a giant saucer's ass so these odds are probably as good as it gets. Story aside, the best thing about animated violence is that all boundaries for realism seem to disappear. Also, seeing lots of military hardware onscreen is always a guarantee for a good sucksornot review.
The sad thing is that in science fiction the military is always useless due to stupid force fields which tends to limit the number of awesome explosions on screen. As a long time fan of good explosions this upsets me but luckily there are things that make up for this. The humor is good yet not overwhelming. The monster action is great but not overly silly. The constant involuntary costume changing by the giant woman are somewhat weird yet still sexy. I probably should not have typed those last few words. Clothing fetishes aside, is this a good movie? Well, the story is full of holes. The aliens are somewhat dorky. The sheer uselessness of the army nagged me but I can honestly say that no other movie in existence has ever had this:
A cockroach version of Dr House on a dance machine. This is it folks. We have reached the zenith of human entertainment. The fat lady has sung. The sun has set. The Eiffeltower was blown up. The end.
Back to the world of sucks and rules
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