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I haven't checked my mail in 3 years:

dutchman@sucksornot.info

 


On a mission, apparently

So every once in a while I don't press the remote control button fast enough and watch what passes for 'Music television' (the parentheses are to emphasize my disgust for MTV and MTV related products). My resistance to modern music has increased to a level where I can now watch most videoclips without bursting out in despairing howls and I've even stopped questioning the meaning of life.

And then, one clips starts with this shot:

Women in their underwear in an elevator. I see nothing wrong with that. Watching the whole song raised some interesting questions and I watched it a few more times on the Internet. This is the anatomy of a pop song. (I do these things for science!)

 

Gabrielle Cilmi, on a mission

Lyrics

I have no idea what this song is about, even after listening to it for several times. There is some sort of mission going on and the presence of space suits and crash helmets seems to imply its a space mission. Not sure what type of underwear defends against space vacuum though.

Lets run through this.

Itís time for me to make a move
And I know what i gotta do
(this implies purpose. We all love purpose in a song, right?)
Coz I got everything to prove
I got a plan Iím sticking to
(everybody loves a girl with a plan)
Ö
The word is that Iím over doubt
But I donít let it get me down
I ainít nobodyís push around
If they could only see me now
(we can see you now. The whole internet is watching)

Thereís only one thing on my mind
(and on ours, by now. )
And I'm running out of time
I'm coming through so get out of the way

I am a woman on a mission, woah
(we have no clue what this mission is, remember that for later)
Nothing can stop me, Iím stronger than ever
I wanna see this through
I am a woman on a mission, woah
Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do

I'm gonna lay it on the line
(what exactly?)
I won't give up without a fight
(that might be hot, do that!)
Coz I can see the finish line
(there's a race now?)
Won't stop till I make you mine
(aha! There's a dude or other hot lesbian chick involved!)
To read the writing on the wall
(uh..)
I'm ready here and standing tall
(that's just a clichť)
So people think they know it all 
(who?)
So I guess I'll have to show them all
(what?)

Thereís only one thing on my mind
(good thing this clip is hot)
And I'm running out of time
I'm coming through so get out of the way

I am a woman on a mission, woah
(there's the mission again. Only 1 reference has been made to it thus far)
Nothing can stop me, Iím stronger than ever
I wanna see this through
I am a woman on a mission, woah
Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do


I am a woman on a mission, woah
Nothing can stop me, Iím stronger than ever
(according to NASA, your physical condition is of paramount importance if you want to survive in space)
I wanna see this through
I am a woman on a mission, woah
Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do

I never give up, I never give up, I never give up
I'm on a mission
(didn't we just hear this?)
I never give up, I never give up
I'm gonna see this through
I never give up, I never give up, I never give up
(we get it)
I'm on a mission
Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do

By the end of the song there has been a single reference to the mission and repeating that she's on it a lot. The rest of the lyrics seem to be drawn from the clichť speech book written by Henry Kissinger's retarded cousin from Iowa.

 

Visuals

The clips is ok, if somewhat totally baffling. Gratuitous boob shots and insanely underdressed women are nothing new in clips of course and may well form the cornerstone of the modern music industry but answer me this, women in underwear on what appears to be Mars would have a life expectancy of how long exactly?

Equally confusing is the parody of the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima, the weird alignment of planets and the apparent moon crashing into Mars in the immediate background. I see so many weird things on this one shot alone I should probably move on in order to avoid a severe case of brain melt.

Lets move to something clips have been using since they were made of chalk and scribbled on a tree.

In this music world which is entirely focused on 13 to 16 year old boys because they're the last demographic still buying songs, boobs are an important part of culture. They define who we are as human beings and represent most of our hopes and dreams. Its not a surprise that we find them all over the internet, the non digital world and everywhere in between. We can apparently not do without seeing one for more the 5 minutes.

You'll be happy to know then that boobs are well represented in this clip. There is hardly any shot without any and in a clips where the lyrics are meaningless and seemingly random that at least adds...... sorry, where am I? I got distracted a little.

However, the boobs do little to distract from the weirdness of this clips, apart from adding a warm glow to it all. A really nice warm  almost debilitating glow.

There's this weird free mason logo appearing on the side of a moon:

A rocket being launched through a transparent Gabrielle, which might be a visual metaphor for the world's most terrifying erection:

The dancing sequences at the huge alien city (does the mysterious mission involve space sex? It seems inevitable by now)

The invading alien spacecraft (which makes no return later whatsoever)

And the almost obligatory shot of a nuclear explosion. Wait, what?

    Nuclear explosion in pop song!

 

Once the craziness sinks in this isn't a bad song. Insane but not bad. In all honesty, that's the best we can hope for in this mediocre, download-dominated music world we live in. Its so depressing it starts to be cheerful again.

 

On a mission sorta rules

 

Back to the world of sucks and rules