I haven't checked my mail in 2 years:
They say the summer vacation is the best time to be a teacher. 7 weeks of uninterrupted vacation, the envy of pretty much the rest of the entire working class. I spent most of the time of the final weeks ensuring that all paperwork was done and all meetings were over with. It was hard. I was part of the time and I think my new nemesis, the janitor, took a picture of me when I was asleep on a couch with a hangover. I may need to get back on that.
Anyway, due to vacation arriving I find myself with more time to write and as I'm starting a new sticker campaign soon I may need to put some more nonsense up here. Weirdly, my statistics show my visitor level steady at 100 per day on average. WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE??
So, this is a short roundup. What kind of crazy stuff have I come across these past hectic weeks?
Wedding in Tilburg
I got invited to a wedding in Tilburg by an old classmate. Normally I wouldn't go such distances but then, normally I don't find the perfect gift for weddings. This time I did. A barbecue kit in a suitcase. It was so goddamn perfect I called Robert the madman and as sole representatives of an entire class of history students we went to Roel's wedding.
Boy, did it suck balls. First we got the address wrong and we wondered through Tilburg for an hour. Robert, the navigator, was only ready to admit the address was wrong when we actually stood in what even the locals described as 'the middle of goddamn nowhere'. Once back at the point we had started an hour earlier we got the right address and discovered the party was in another part of Tilburg altogether. Cursing loudly we still decided to grab a train and get there in time for the finale. After all, Roel had told us that the restaurant where the party was was 'very close to the train station.'
It wasn't. It was in fact, at the end of the road to crapping infinity.
At the end of the road to infinity, close to despair and even closer to cackling madness, some 2 miles beyond any point of reasonably close and some 5 miles beyond 'very close to the train station' we did find the damn place. Now, technically we were late seeing as the reception had already ended. Somehow we thought we would be allowed to stay for a while to at least recover from the ordeal of marching through pretty much the whole of Tilburg. No such luck. While the master of ceremony offered us some food the bride pretty much told is to pack up and get the hell out while Roel, being a good little groom stood there and said nothing when his friends were basically kicked out. A nice display of spinelessness, Roel. We could clearly tell you were married.
Yes, it was time well spent and as we walked back down the road to infinity to the train station we found creative means to get rid of the goddamn souvenirs we were allowed to take back. I hope the ducks enjoyed it.
The perfect 1
In Holland we give students grades from 1 to 10. 1 being the suckiest thing on the planet and 10 being so godlike perfect that it can't exist. Right at the end of the school year I came across a perfect 1. For the first time someone managed to mess up one of my tests so completely and so thoroughly that I couldn't award him any points.
My friends, this is what a perfect 1 looks like:
It was filled with answers like:
-The Berlin wall was built because they were already planning it anyway.
-NATO were communist and the European Union were capitalists so they didn't get along well.
-WW2 ended because Germany declared world peace.
-Germany wasn't happy with the cold war because it gave them a traumatic experience.
-America and Germany worked together against Russia in WW2 because both countries weren't communists.
It was awesome. It was masterful. It was clearly completely idiotic. The dude who wrote this collection of insanity is now safely where he belongs. Down with the rest of the VMBO idiots. I hope he finds peace there.
I discovered these things in my fridge last week:
Biere Cerise. My skin crawls at the very sight of it. Beer with cherry taste.
When will humanity learn? Beer isn't supposed to taste like cherries, or Roses or lemons or tarmac. Its supposed to taste like BEER. Don't treat it like its something else. Don't mix it with other things, don't make it fit for women. Just leave it alone. Leave beer alone.
LEAVE BEER ALONE!
My DVD collection is getting out of hand.
I'm sure many people face this problem by now and if you're not you should probably get back to your communist potatoe fields. I have to many DVD's. The acquisition of more possessions may be a cornerstone of our society but I now face the very real possibility of running out of space to store them. A threat to capitalism if ever I saw one.
Luckily, I can simply pile up stuff until I reach the roof. No communist lack of space shall stand between me and the buying of more stuff I don't really need. CAPITALISM 4EVER!
That really should be all for today. Expect more below average writing from me soon. Now, I have a vacation to enjoy.
Back to the world of sucks and rules