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Teachers We all know them, some of us fear them. Teachers have shaped our school time and have helped to become who we are. Yet, isn’t they way this was achieved one giant road of pain, suffering and humiliation? Can you remember that teacher who was most power-hungry, sadistic and mentally unstable? Can’t? Then you’re the lucky one. But for the rest of us I present:
5 reasons not to trust teachers Written by one of them 5. We’re all borderline insane More or less all teachers are somewhat insane. That’s not necessarily a bad thing as some teachers are actually pretty inspirational characters due to their craziness. Others come off somewhat worse as their insanity drives both themselves and students over the edge into some sort of mental imaginary abyss. Ok, so its not that dramatic but I do like to use the ‘abyss’ now and then. The point is, you have to be a little wacky to want to stand in front of classes of children for 6 or 7 hours a day for a measly pay and with little or no appreciation from anyone whilst being mocked by pretty much all your friends and family members. Yes, we’re bonko insane, 2 quarters short of a 100 dollars, 1 slice short of a full pie, bolts are loose and we’re 1 card short of a full deck. Personally, I’m compensating for my teaching madness by playing vast wargames wearing a helmet that says ‘death to necrons’. I’m evening out one batch of madness with another! No I'm not making it up. On this rate of insanity I’m expecting my first burnout within 10 years. Lets just hope I’m having fun getting there.
4. We’re powercrazy We used to say that of our teachers and its just as true now as it was then. You have to be a little power crazy in order to effectively teach. Yup, lets not fight over this anymore cause its true. And for a good reason too. If I don’t have peace and quiet then I can’t explain anything. Therefore we enforce rules. Rules made to break your sense of human value and right of expression. That stops existing. You need to sit down, shut the fuck up and listen what we have to say! Do that and you just may live. Disobey us and the same thing happens to you what happened to the smartass stupid bastard we may remember from this picture:
Actually we don't know what happened to that guy but knowing the Chinese it was probably scorpion and torture chamber oriented....
3. We’re sadists Also just as true and inescapable as the fact that Jesus was a Jew and would have wiped his ass with all our modern day Christian bullshit. All teachers revel the chance to come crashing down on some poor unsuspecting student and kick his ass with more work then he could possibly finish this century. We do this to enforce our sense of order and for the past few hundreds of years it seemed to have worked. Hey, what do you know? Maybe we actually know what we’re doing! Uhm, no.
2. We don’t know shit Despite the fact that we studied for 5 or 5 years (the worst of us 7 or 8) we really don’t know crap about anything. Sure, I can tell you the exact dates of napoleon’s battles and sure I know how to fucking spell the word ‘Invasion’ but that’s not because I studied hard for those 4 years, its because that stuff interests me and people soak up stuff they find interesting like giant human sponges. As soon as you come to something we find the slightest bit uninteresting we come to a grinding halt in Idon’tknow ville. Luckily most teachers can bluff their way through anything. Hell, I have bluffed people into believing I’m an expert on Sherry and have given people advice on the future of their kids while I didn’t even fully comprehend the terms I was using. We can make people believe anything anytime, which is fine as long as the people we talk to are idiots. The problem comes when the kids know more about a subject then we do. Most teachers drop on their faces like demented donkeys on a shroom trip and the kids can actually get the impression that we don’t give a crap, which brings me to my next and final point:
1. We don’t give a crap Now seriously. We work way more hours then we get actually paid. If I were paid for the hours I was actually working instead of the hours I spent in front of the kids I would be a goddamn millionaire, all teachers would be. Contrary to popular belief we actually prepare for lessons, we check tests, we correct papers, we come together in godawful meetings that last for hours and discuss everything from the state of the school to the state of the freaking hooks where the coats hang. In fact, the number of hours we spend on school borders on the ridiculous and I’m not even counting those I spend preparing for stuff at home! Now the logical result of such a burden is a reduced sense of caring. Its tough but its true. If you deal with the amount of human issues that we do you simply have to draw a line and say ‘not my problem’. Teachers who don’t do that end up at home with burnouts and those who do end up looking as cold bastards who don’t care. Ironically it’s the not caring bastards who survive as teachers the longest.
Think that’s not true? Not my problem…. Teachers rule!
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