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Why do we keep watching? Lets be honest for a moment. Has watching normal television become the same complete horror for you as it has become for me? I can't take it anymore, I have to speak out on this. It has become to much to bear. I used to like watching television. I really did. There were good shows out there and you took commercials with that. It was just the way of things. When did it all degenerate into a oozing puddle of shit? How did that happen? Did television makers all of a sudden decide to let it all go to hell? Do they really feel so much contempt for us that they now see fit to interrupt a movie with 20 minutes of sheer unrelenting bullshit?? I'm getting ahead of myself. Lets go back to where Dutch television took a wrong turn. And I mean a really bad wrong turn. The kind of turn where you end up getting eaten by cannibals in a wood somewhere in Louisiana.
That was it, right there. This was the program that fucked it all up. They put 6 people in a house, made them do stupid stuff, voted them off one by one and that was supposed to be television. Most of the time those morons just sat around on their couches and talked utter trash. Apparently we are all stupid because it became a hit. It spawned all sorts of evil spin offs, websites and even worse imitations. The evil overlords of television realized that something called 'reality TV' could become an instant hit. How is that possible? Why is that possible? From there it went from bad to worse to absolutely fucking retarded. Anyone remember temptation island? That must have been the absolute low in television history. Throw a lot of people on an island and see what horrible things they do to each other. Am I really the only one who sees that that is so utterly primitive that we might as well go throw stones at each other again? You bunch of retarded idiots! Make it stop!! Of course, there are still a few good shows out there. I absolutely love Stargate and Top Gear and Southpark. Those are my sacred trinity of shows that give me the hope that there is still hope for humanity. Stargate and Top Gear only air once a week though, which is a shame. Southpark, technically, airs every day but its an absolute nightmare to find it. Why? Let me show you:
This is the programming for the Box, the only channel that airs Southpark over here. As you can see it is completely surrounded by terribly bad shows that hold it hostage. 4 shows about black men who aren't funny and they fill the entire evening with that, save one little slot for Southpark. It never airs when it is supposed to and that god-awful Dave Chappelle always runs late, making the quest to find the beginning of soutpark worse then awful, its so frustrating it nearly drove me to physical violence against the TV. Yeah, that's right. I considered physical violence against an inanimate object as preferable to watching Dave Chappelle. What is it with these shows anyway? Jamie Foxx isn't funny, Dave Chappelle is a walking tower of crap and we really don't need to say anything about either Will Smith or those thrice blasted Wayans brothers. I swear to God, even Joep in his peasant outfit is funnier then the Wayans brothers!
All those guys have in common (except for Joep obviously) is that they're black and have the worst TV crew in history. They go around, saying things like 'whats up bro?' and they get a laugh even when they enter a room. Only Kramer from Seinfeld is allowed to get a laugh when he enters a room because he actually does something funny when he enters, you assholes! All those other lame actors expect to get a laugh when they do anything at all. I think the audience is being held hostage as well, held at gunshot with specific orders to laugh. Its either that, or they're the biggest group of retards the human race has ever spawned. I think people think black people are funny because they're just that, black. They're different from the average white suburban family and that makes them funny. Like watching monkeys in a zoo is funny. Like watching president Bush say a few sentences is funny. Like listening to the French is funny. As long as they're different, stupid or foreign it becomes funny.
And then there is the complete and total escalation of commercials. Statistics tell me that there are actually fewer commercials then a few years back, but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like they're being hammered straight into my forehead every time a commercial break is on. I grab for the remote in panic every time to turn the volume down. You do the same, right? Commercials are louder then the program you're watching. This is a proven fact. Those assholes actually have the nerve to turn up the volume when its time for commercials. Unbelievable. And the tripe they show during the commercial break! Its either horrendously low budget or so disgustingly moral that it makes me want to throw up. Ever saw this one?
Right, I made myself throw up again. Great. Now I have vomit all over my keyboard! Damn those commercials. Damn them all to hell!!! But the utter low point of television, I have not yet mentioned. The very worst of it all. The Satan amongst the television audience. (Ghehe, spelling check just made me write Satan with a capital S, proving that Microsoft demands respect for its leader) What I'm talking about it is the practice of a channel called SBS 6 to interrupt its movies with a news broadcast. Of 20 minutes, followed and preceded by 7 minutes of commercials. This means that if you want to watch a movie on this hell spawned channel you have to endure over half an hour of rubbish. You think you get serious news on sbs 6? No! You get local news from the country. LOCAL! That means little supermarkets closing, cats in trees, a firechief giving a demonstration, an open day in some shopping mall and more of that. But the very worst of all is the show news where we are informed of the latest things celebrities did, to the utter boredom of everyone. Guess what, assholes? NOBODY CARES! SBS 6 sucks. Badly. All of television except for Stargate, Top Gear and Southpark sucks but this channel has something that is unparalleled. Contempt for its audience. They think they determine what the audience watches and don't care if they're being assholes about it. Therefore, this seems a fitting conclusion:
Television sucks!
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