I haven't checked my mail in 2 years:
Totally spies: the movie
I actually saw it. It may go down as one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done. I and a fellow dumbass actually followed a group of kids in the theatre just to fool the ticket checker into believing we were with the kids. The disguise failed as soon as we realized that the kids were going to another movie.
Then, to our unrelenting horror we were shown into a completely empty movie theatre and told we could pick our own seats. We were the only ones idiotic enough to see this movie.
After a while of total embarrassment we saw the humor of it all, got ourselves a beer and prepared to actually see Totally spies: the movie. Since I already told everyone on the internet I saw it I might as well review it. Savor this review as it will probably be one of the only ones you can find.
Totally spies is a movie about 3 girls who get called to be spies. Their boss is Jerry, one of the most awesome human beings ever to be in a cartoon. In fact, cat suits aside he's the only reason I have, on occasion, watched the series that preceded the movie. Jerry's portrayed as a technical genius, a martial arts master, a master of athletics and he can run up buildings. He also has command of the nuclear arsenal of the US and to cover up the secret spy organization WOOHP he constructed a giant W shaped building.
In short, Jerry is great and in the movie we get to see why he selected the girls to be his next spies. There was some more story after that but I stopped caring. Something with the word 'fabulous' being said a lot. I dunno.
What I did care about was that we learn some interesting things about Jerry in the movie. He actually blackmailed the girls into working for him, going as far as to dump one of them into a desert until she agreed to sign up. He blocked the credit cards of the other two and ravaged their computers with viruses. The man's a dangerous maniac and I loved him every second for it. Blackmailing high school girls into dangerous spy work? Awesome dude. Take a cigar.
Truth be told, other then Jerry, the movie has surprisingly few likeable features. The 3 girls chatter irritates beyond belief, the plotline is idiotic and the villain plan is so incomprehensibly moronic it might as well have come from my desk chair. Funny detail though, the villain space station was built by the Russians as is revealed by Yuri, the hulking Russian badguy. I suppose the chases were amusing to watch and there was some sort of aerial battle going on at some point but still, every minute Jerry wasn't onscreen felt like a waste of time for me.
Thank god he had a lot of screen time. Jerry, a cartoon character of such magnitude that he pulls an otherwise irritating movie from the dumps and turns it into something of questionable entertaining value for a select minority . I salute you with all my salutability.