War of the worlds

I've seen War of the worlds a single time, in the cinema. To say that I was disappointed is a flagrant insult to the word disappointment. To say that I was angry, full of confusion and being almost overwhelmed by the urge to punch someone would come closer to the emotional conflageration that was whirling in my mind.

War of the worlds sucked, badly. The reason I'm bringing it up now is  because I had a chat with someone I normally respect and who knows a lot about movies, who liked war of the worlds. He enjoyed the special effects, the tension that dominated every scene and the acting of Tom Cruise Dakota Fanning.

After the urge to kick his face in had faded I delivered the most brilliant movie review ever. Spielberg and Tom Cruise will not be spared.....

War of the worlds, holy crap it sucks.....

Yes its true, Spielberg has made another movie. Bring forth the popcorn and the drinks, let us prepare readily for this will surely be another 5 star hit that leaves us baffled about how this man keeps pulling it off.

Guess again, the latest to come from Spielberg and his dream machine is nothing short of a vomit inducing, overly stupid nightmare of a film that insults the intelligence of the movie going audience and the human race in general.

Starring Tom Cruise in a role you wish he had turned down and Dakota Fanning who's scream will be lodged in your ears for hours to come, this movie leaps from one disappointment to the next. The beginning where Cruise is introduced as bad father doesn't strike you as bad until the power goes out. All electrical devices were instantly rendered useless by some great thunderstorm....... except a camcorder of a guy who is taping the whole chaos that ensues. Auwtsj. Then the aliens are introduced, not in spaceships or anything remotely impressive but in lightning bolts that take less then a second to disappear. Yes, lightning bolts. Apparently the alien ships in Independance day struck Spielberg as being so awesome that he didn't even try to improve on that.

Next was the response of the American public to the inexplanable bolts of lightning that struck the ground. Cluster together in large masses even when a police officer exclaims 'something down there is moving!' When buildings start collapsing, the public is not impressed. Even when a full blown alien warmachine crawls its way from the ground, the public seems not particularly interested. Only if the machines open fire and start vapourising people they run away. Only then.....amazing. Home of the brave indeed.

The biggest disappointment are the battles that follow. Spielberg had cooperation from the US army but apparently he wasn't allowed to damage any stuff cause all the damage is done off screen. You see an entire column of tanks and HumVee's go over a ridge, there's a lot of noise and one of the Humvee's rolls back, burning. Thats a level of lazyness I haven't witnessed in many a movie. I know that Spielberg wasn't particularly caring about this flick, but come on, a little visual action? Is that to much to ask?

People told me Spielberg wasn't going for mass battle scenes and wanted to stick with Cruise and his family. Maybe thats all good and well for lovers of Ed Wood movies (the man who once made a film with 4 pieces of scenery) but the modern movie going public expects a bit more then that, especially after a trailer that spectacular.

The scene in the basement where Cruise kills a man for being a bit scared and crazy takes the cake. An alien tentacle thoroughly checks the house twice but doesn't manage to be scary one little bit. When all our protagonists are finally caught by this gay man's dream you start to wonder:

Despite being unbearably stupid and increasingly boring I've stayed until the end. Cruise manages to get to the scenic city of Boston and is reunited with his son, who we felt certain,was annihilated in the battle scene earlier. Cue improbabilty and all round sillyness to make a decent sobby ending.

Speaking of endings....I'm certain you all know the end of the book 'war of the worlds' by HG Wells. After man throws all his might against the aliens, the things die from bacteria, the smallest things on earth. In the book this worked, because the aliens had come from Mars and had no resistance against the diseases here.

In Spielbergs version it doesn't work because the aliens had buried their machines here thousands of years ago and should have known about the little buggers. Massive mistake, seriously massive.

War of the worlds sucks, its that simple. It takes realism and entertainment out of the picture and focuses solely on Cruise who seems to have made it clear that he wanted to be in every scene and never get his hair out of style.

Do not, under any circumstances buy war of the worlds!

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If this was in doubt, war of the worlds sucks!

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